This morning I was watching a show and it was said that she had to mourn the loss of her house and lifestyle before she could move to the next place. I began thinking what I have always believed, which is that all losses have to mourned before we can move on. This includes the loss of a job.
The loss of a job can be related to the loss of a person. Of course there are differences, but a loss is a loss. Any loss is painful and one has to mourn or greive that loss. We can be just as devastated and immobilized as we would be when we lose a person.
Lets take a look at this. As in the death of a person, it can be sudden and unexpected or it can be a prolonged one. In the first case, probably the person is fired or laid off all of a sudden. As in the sudden loss of a person, we may worry that our child or loved one will be killed in an auto accident or some other such incident. In a job, a person may be concerned about losing a job because he has heard rumors that the company is doing poorly and that there may be layoffs or perhaps you know that you messed up and that management is not happy with you. However, you certainly hope that it does not happen.
When it does, it is like that doorbell ringing in the night and you are informed of the fatal accident that your son was in. How to you respond? Shock/denial? Probably! The same is true when you are called into the bosses office and told that you are fired or laid off. You can’t believe it. This is not true or real.
What happens when it is a prolonged loss? The same response happens. You can’t believe it. It is not really over. He did not finally die. Even though you planned on retiring or leaving to move to a new city, when it happens you still have to deal with the feelings of it being over. You no longer have to get up tomorrow morning and go to work. You can finally lounge around in your pj’s for the morning. When it is a person, you no longer have to take care of your loved one. You now have free time that you did not have before.
My mother had alzheimers for at least five years and finally died from it. It still was a feeling of denial when it actually happened. I knew she was getting worse, but when the end came it was a shock. I no longer had to go take care of her after work and feed her and get her ready for bed. Now, what do I do? What do I do with my spare time? The same feelings were experienced when I retired from my job after eighteen years. What do I do now?
The difference is that in a prolonged illness or job loss you have time to grieve. Some of your grieving has been done over time. However, when the loss actually happens, you still feel and react the same.
The next thing that happens is bargaining if is a prolonged situation. Even if it is sudden in the job situation, you may be able to try to bargain. For example, if you are fired, you might try to ask for or try to convince the boss to give you another chance. You might pray for more time so that you can improve, for example.
The next stage of grieving is anger. As time goes on you probably will be angry about this happening. For example, when a person dies one may be angry at the doctors and healthcare people. Why couldn’t they have prevented this from happening? One may be angry with himself. If I had kept my child home that night, the accident would not have happened. Sometimes there is even anger at God. Why did God let this happen? Sometimes a person even pulls away from their religion. God should have been able to prevent this. In the loss of a job all of this may be felt, too. He might be angry at himself for what he said to his boss or just be angry at his boss and call him a jerk or some other name.
This stage may be prolonged. He may be angry for a very long time. He sometimes projects the anger onto others. He becomes angry with everyone. No one can do or say anything right. You hate the person that died for leaving you and you even hate yourself. This stage and the next one is probably the most difficult to go through.
The next one is depression. Just about everyone knows what depression is like to some extent. It depends on how long and deep it goes. Sometimes it is so debilitating that the person can not do anything. They don’t want to leave the house or do anything at all. The person may stay in bed all day and not talk to anyone. He may cry all of the time or not eat or sleep.
These two stages are the most difficult to go through, but everyone has to in order to successfully reach the last one which is acceptance. Most of the time, with support from others, the person is able to reach this stage. Sometimes one gets stuck in one of them and eventually need professional help to get through it.
Sometimes a person puts off the grieving process or sometimes multiple losses, one after the other, makes it impossible for him to do so. This is called postponed grieving. When this happens, the person probably may need help to do so. The point is that one must mourn the loss or losses before he can go on.
Many people see death as the only situation where one grieves. I am saying that this is not the case. A loss is a loss. All losses need to be mourned. Even when you plan for the loss, such as a job, it still is a loss. Trying to move on without mourning the loss will be extremely difficult if not impossible.
I found myself in this situation. I retired because they were kind of forcing all of the nurses on the psych team to leave one way or the other. I planned on retiring, but in a few years. I saw the writing on the wall and put in my resignation, so it was kind of a forced retirement.
I tried to ignore it for awhile, but that didn’t last forever. I looked for jobs in my field, but most places wanted youger candidates. I tried to tell myself that it was alright, but eventually I could not ignore it. I then got stuck in the anger and depression stages and kept going back and forth between the two, which is not unusual. I then tried to start a couple of on-line businesses, which did not work. I actually got scammed by a couple of places and lost quite a bit of money. Remember I was still mourning my previous job, which I had been at for 18 years.
Finally I realized that I had to work through these stages and allow myself to do so. During this period of time, I found Wealthy Affiliates, and started a couple of sites with them. However, I still was not ready. I was still so angry, but I kept trying. Now I think I have dealt with this and am ready to really work and get this moving.
I am so fortunate to have found Wealthy Affiliates to help me develop and market my on-line business. I just came upon it and decided to try it for the 7 days that were free. I found that it was fairly easy to at least get started by watching and listening to the directions to set up a website. At the end of the time, I decided to join the premium membership for just $49 a month. This seemed reasonable when I saw all that was offered. I am now with the challenge which is very indepth and a great learning experience.
Wealthy Affiliates has so much to offer. It goes through, step by step, how to set up your business and how to continue working on it and how to market it. It is a wonderful teaching/learning experience. Much is offered here. They have a webinar every week to help us learn even more. The support system is phenomenol and available to all of the members 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Someone is always available on the chat line.
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